when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
