I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The air taste purple.
Randomize