I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
