Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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