She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The ass gains better be worth it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
