Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
