so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
