You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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