I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
