I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
