How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
