omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize