I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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