We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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