I think im going to throw up on grandma
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
50% drunk capacity currently
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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