hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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