you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize