Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize