My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
