i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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