He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
