One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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