when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
