Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize