well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's rum buckets o'clock
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
