YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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