the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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