tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
