Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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