the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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