i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
