You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
