It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
