I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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