im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize