my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
