My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize