she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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