I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
