he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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