how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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