Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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