My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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