is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
