So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
is it fun? or sober?
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