I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
