My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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