Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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