yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize