I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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