Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
