EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
