after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
