hotel room ftw
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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