The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
