Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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