true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
