Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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