I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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