Can Purell be used as lube?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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