he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
