I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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