i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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