now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
