Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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