Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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