Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
