I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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