I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
