sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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