I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
