Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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