and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i think im in europe. pls send help
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
