omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
