why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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