adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
this will be a night to untag.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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